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Welcome To
The Anal Volunteer's
Web Site
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Hello and welcome to my web site.  The guy's from Mules & Vaughn asked me to do a selection for them.  Me, being locked up at the lovely Shady Palms Clinic was more than eager to jump on the band wagon.  Especially, if it got me out of dancing with Steve, the midget who believe he's the star of Roots. Anyway, yes, it's true.  I have a hobby...and it is sticking things in my ass.  Mules & Vaughn approached me on doing it as a series for them.  And I thought, "hey, if Calista Flockhart can get a series...well then so can I!"  Anyway, before I tallied off there, the boys at M&V have me rate what I have in my ass..so it back and read what I do.  And thanks...and if you can mail me a lovely soft pillow...that would be great.
                                       Love, Timmy

This Month's Item
Kato Kaelin!
Since getting the gig here at M&V, I've been
trying to give back to those less fortunate than I.
Having said that, I've opened my range to a larger
amount of items I can "donate to science" if you
know what I mean...and I got an immediate reply
from this blonde from Brentwood.  Not just any
blonde...The Blonde From Brentwood, Mr. Kaelin.
When he stopped by, I was already buzzing from
the Kool Aid and NyQuil mix I had just drinken...
I mean, I have a cold, but I like my drugs all pretty
and tasty...so, I was quickly suckered into talking
to Kato...and here is a few things we talked about.
By the way, before I continue, did you know he did
more things than lie about OJ, during his 15
minutes of fame?  Click the Dick to find out.
'I wrote something too, Timmy...' Brian whined.
His Current Job Status
 Working on something
 with Yahoo Serious
 and Morgan Fairchild

His Current Home
 Not Available

Favorite Movie While
Haven't Leaving My
 Wild, Wild West

What He Liked Most
About My "Suite"
 The Shiny Blue Glass

Favorite Saying
 Need A Roommate?

His Current Goals
 Get More From His 
 Talk Soup Residual

His Current Future
Plans For Money
 Write Another Article
 For Food

Most Annoying Thing
He's Done Since
Coming Over Here
 Has Talked About
 Him.  Just Me Me Me!

Biggest Brag
 He Was On TV

  So, finally, I got him up into my ass.  He made himself right at home...and even
began to take up residence.  I couldn't believe it!  The guy rearranged my colon, 
toss some things around, added the Clapper, and he was home.  Carrying him
around was rather revolting.  Oh well...it's the things I do! 

  What pissed me off about the entire ordeal, is the fact he stayed for an extended
period of time. Usually, I insert things in my ass...and stayed nearly 3 months! 
You thought this was something I was bragging about...but we started this
interview session back in April!  Argh...I'll have to flush everything out, and start
again new.

This has been Timmy...and I'll see you...In My Colon!
Pain Rating 8
Pleasure Rating 2
Pain Is Pleasure Rating   2
Notes I really can't put my finger on which was worse, him
moving into my colon...or the fact he hogged my 
bathroom.  Nevermind the fact he never paid for rent,
and I've got long distance calls up the ass(no pun or
cleverly hidden humor on that statement...he actually
ran calls up into my ass and it costs me a lot)